Time to stop apologising?
Why do we (particularly women) apologise so often for being ourselves? Or for our lives in general?
Sorry is a word to use when you’ve done something wrong or hurt someone’s feelings. Why say sorry about being yourself? And I know I’ve done it too, of course I have! But I try to remind myself daily that I am enough. I’m just me. I see it almost every day on social media and hear it in person often too. Friends you are not ruled by how you look, you are loved for the person that you are. For your kind heart, for the chats full of laughter, for the shoulders to cry on. Your Mummy friend who is coming over for a cup of tea, she doesn’t care less if your house is tidy! She wants to see you, she wants to speak to another human being who understands her daily life with her kids. In fact if your house is pristine she may even start worrying that hers should be too! Come on fellow parents, we’re raising small people who love to play with all their toys all at once! We’re trying to keep up with washing, dishes and preparing multiple meals a day whilst trying to spend time playing with our children. Juggling it so that your home doesn’t constantly look like someone tried to rob you but then gave up because they couldn’t find anything worth taking or didn’t fancy stepping on the evil foot crippling lego and spending quality time playing. Then feeling guilty because you weren’t spending time doing the other one! Please don’t apologise to me that your house is a mess… Instagram photos, staged my lovelies! Real life is messy, it’s tiring and at times pretty gross (cheers kids for wiping your snot on the sofa/walls/bed and leaving it there to dry so that I have to scrap it off with my nails, delightful). So yeah, some toys on the floor, washing hanging up or piling up, so what?! That’s life.
What message are we sending our children when we apologise for being ourselves? Will they learn to grow up questioning themselves? We encourage our children to be themselves, follow their dreams and to be kind. Why does that not apply to us too? If you say sorry for not having make up on will your child think make up is required to be pretty or accepted in society? I stopped wearing make up years ago but there was a time when I wouldn’t leave the house without at least mascara on. Loving make up is absolutely fine of course but apologising for not wearing any, why? Why do we do that to ourselves. You haven’t done anything wrong! Your face isn’t hurting or disrespecting another person, it’s simply you.
Do you say sorry for….
Wearing no make up?
Your house being untidy?
Your hair not being “perfect” and greys showing?
Having stretch marks?
Surgery or scars from operations?
Having an illness or disability?
STOP. Just stop. You haven’t done anything wrong! Could you stop at least one? Or remind your friend that they need not apologise to you for being them?
I know we are a nation of people that completely overuse the word sorry, even to pass someone in a supermarket aisle! But to say sorry for the way you look or for the person that you naturally are, perhaps we should think twice about that? Little ears are listening to our every word, young teenagers are reading how we are sorry for looking a certain way and your self esteem doesn’t need this negativity!
We need to take pride in the people we are. We are each unique and come with our own little quirks. I challenge you to give it a go!
Need a little help? Perhaps you’d like to come along to one of my TrueYou sessions where we’ll talk through how to let go of negative thoughts, embrace who you are and start your personal journey of self acceptance. And of course create beautiful portraits together!